Preemptive Nostalgia

Ferguson, my parents' cat, and I in my childhood bedroom.

Sometimes when you're in it you have no idea how good you have it—or how grateful you should be for this time.

I'm having preemptive nostalgia for the life I'm currently living while I await my move May 1st to a new city, a new neighborhood, a new apartment.

Even a good change—a dream job, an exciting new relationship, a beautiful first home, welcoming a first child into your life, or, like me, a move to a new city where more opportunities are available to you—is terrifying. This is not surprising. We, as collective human beings, really just do not like change.

Here I am, on the cusp of change, of growth, just as I have been at other times in my life. I'm at a precipice I strove so hard to attain and be bold enough to reach—and yet, again, I didn't fully appreciate the time I had with my family in my childhood home, in my hometown.

I took this time for granted in many ways, and again the age-old wisdom of appreciating what you have before it's gone passed me by a bit too quickly. I'm somewhat wiser now—because as I've been searching for my next home, I've had the presence of mind to remind myself that this chapter is coming to an end. I've made an effort to spend more time with my family and to appreciate the remaining time I have here.

Yet I wish I had lived this chapter more fully and happily, instead of thinking I was 'in-between.' This 'in-between' living while we're actually living is nonsense, by the way. It's time we face that and stop delaying happiness, gratitude, and appreciation for when things get better, or we have more money, or we find the right person.

I'm simultaneously grateful for what I have now and regretful for the time I wasted thinking I was stuck.

I want this to be a lesson now and forever more: appreciate what you have today. Do not worry so much about all the things that could happen and miss the moment, spoil the mood. Don’t think about all the things you want while you have what you need. I have the most important things in life: I have family who loves me and whom I love, I have good friends, and–I like to think–I am a good friend.I have a good home to live in (soon to be an apartment). I have good food. I have adorable cats. I have a good job with good people with work I enjoy. I’m healthy and able-bodied. I’m safe (not something to underestimate these days). 

Do I still want things? Yes. Is everything perfect? No. Will there be tougher times? Yes. But I hope that this budding wisdom of appreciation of the now sticks with me this time–and perhaps arrives a bit sooner. It’s the simplest lesson that I already know–that you already know as well–that we take for granted. We nod, we say that’s a good point, and then we forget. 

I don’t want to forget next time.